I write about stuff that interests me

No alarms, no sunshine gliding across my face, no abrupt end to a dream, my eyes just open up. Sleep has left my body. Almost involuntarily, my hands reach out to my phone. 11 A.M. I can’t remember if I was supposed to meet Muna at 11:15 A.M. in front of the dorms. Three seconds and I’m out of bed, hastily brushing my teeth and restoring some order to my bed simultaneously. By 11:10 A.M. I’ve put on the first clothes my hands touch and am ready to leave the room.  As I run to the elevator, I give a call to Muna. “Muna, were we supposed to meet today?”  “Ummm, I don’t think so, no.”  “Oh, never mind. I can fuzzily remember making plans with you. Must have been in my dreams then.”  “Mohit, I don’t have time for your tomfoolery okay. I’ll talk to you later.”  “B-”  By the end of the call, I’m outside the dorms. I start thinking about Omkar. Ever since I was young, I talked to myself a lot. All of that changed when one day I heard talking to oneself is a sign o...

I wake up on a beach. The start of a new year, 2023. It feels like I was born today with memories from a past life, which start unraveling into my consciousness.  It has been 4 days since I last saw the face of my mobile phone. I'm surrounded by the best of what nature has to offer, but they annoy me. In front of me, a small crab burrows itself into a small hole in the mud. Instinctively, my hand reaches towards my pocket only to feel emptiness and fill me with irritation. That could be preventing me from appreciating nature, or I was never an appreciator of nature but just liked the idea of being one. Time passes, but there is no memory to back it up. I go to sleep. As soon as I wake up, I start writing in my book. I feel the texture of its cover on my bare right thigh, gravity pulling both down, but with different forces. I'm seeking to be philosophically enlightened in some way. Instead, I feel the soft touch of the covers of my blanket. It would give me a tickle if the blan...

I turn on the disco ball. My entire room is painted with patterns that are constantly changing. While all this is happening, I’m laying on my bed, listening to some music I don’t remember, soaking in the colors right above the disco ball. But, I don’t feel good. My neck starts to hurt; I think I’m twisting it too much to focus on that particular spot. But, I don’t listen to my body. I keep on staying in this position. Soon, my focus shifted to the inner world- I was lost in thought. My thoughts took me to my childhood. They could only present me with a vague recollection of a few instances. I remembered feeling empathy when my friend had bruised his knee by falling on concrete. Could I make any conclusions about myself from the limited capacity of my memory? I don’t think so. It was years of joys, sorrows, and mundanity condensed to a single second. This is not the first time my thoughts have entered this territory. Some things could be the same. Another person is facing pain, but this...

 I need to think of a reasonable way to die. A story can’t start with me being in the afterlife, just feels weird. Hmm… let me Google the most common cause of death among young people. Oh, it’s heart disease. I woke up one day. As usual, I didn’t want to get out of bed and had a strong urge to start my day by mindlessly browsing through my phone. But the resistance was particularly heavy this day. There was a numbing pain throughout my body and I could only feel the tightness of my chest. I had to be somewhere in half an hour, so lying in bed wasn’t an option. Exhausting every ounce of my willpower, I got out of bed. I entered the bathroom, squeezed some paste into my brush, made it wet and united it to my teeth. For some reason, my arm had lost all its strength, even lifting the brush proved to be an arduous task. It felt as if my legs weren’t strong enough to support my weight, like my bones had forgotten that they’re meant to keep to upright. I collapsed to the floor.   ...

I close my eyes and sit upright. No matter how hot it is, the air entering through my nose carries a cool freshness. Breathe in, my stomach bulges out like someone is blowing a balloon. Breathe out, the muscles on my face loosen up and my body feels lighter. This goes on for maybe 5 seconds. I have been escorted to the past now; time has lost its meaning. An hour long conversation I had is reduced to a single instance. That moment, with whispers and vague imagery, is powerful enough to convince me of anything. Time and rationality continue to stay irrelevant for a while. A voice breaks free and calls out to me, it reminds me of why I have closed my eyes. The sensations of air mingling with by body return, although they had never left.  I have no control over this switch inside my head. I don’t know where it will take me. It’s like the process of falling asleep- you never know the exact moment you slip into oblivion. But just like dreams, the switch takes me to a place that is ins...

I’m running. Every time I step on the ground, a jolt of pain from my knee spreads itself to my thigh. If I don’t stop immediately, it feels like an internal organ inside my lower ribs is going to burst. The cool wind gently brushing on my body is the only delight, so I focus on that. The pain is still there. I look ahead at the trees slow dancing with the wind. “It’s impossible to go ahead without a rest”, emerges an inner voice, but I ignore that and keep going. After a while, something strange happens. I no longer feel pain, but just feel incredibly grateful to be alive. A sense of bliss washes over my body. I feel energized, so I run faster. My brain was lying to me. Had I listened to it, I wouldn’t have felt the runner’s high. The storm before the calm isn’t limited to running. Whenever we have to take action, our first instinct is to put it off. An inner voice convinces us that it’s going to be boring, that it can be done any other time but now. If we don’t succumb to this voice...

After playing “relaxing music” on YouTube, I sit down - cross-legged - and close my eyes. I have one objective: focus on the rhythm of my breath. For maybe 10 seconds, I succeed. Inevitably, my mind wanders off by conjuring memories from the past or making up scenarios for the future. For the mind to do that, we don’t need to close our eyes. Think about how many times you didn’t notice something happening in the present because you were lost in thought. It’s a common experience to be looking at someone speaking to us, but only listen to the voice inside our head.  Our thoughts mostly contain instances that are blurry and lack details, but we get the gist of it. Dreams aren’t that different. One way to know if you are dreaming is by counting your fingers. If you look at your hand in your dream, it certainly won’t have 5 fingers. It seems as if the fingers were placed on the palm by a lousy architect.   We cannot predict our thoughts and they tend to bounce from one context...

Finally lucid. Saw a girl from school in my dream. She was just standing there. Went to her and asked, "Why are you in my dream? We have barely spoken and all I know about you is that you exist." She turns to me with a disgusted face, "Why don't you think for yourself, loser." She vanished, I woke up.

Yesterday, when I was walking from Koteshwor to Lokanthali, I had the most insane experience. I was thinking about hitting the gym the next day and the exercises that I would do. I mostly thought about the satisfaction you get when you feel the exercise working the desired muscle, i.e. how doing shoulder press burns your shoulders. Weirdly, I started feeling the same burn on my muscles. I was thinking about bench press and it felt like strands of muscle were being removed from my chest (this is how I feel while benching). I got very excited and started thinking about every exercise I knew. The same thing happened- the muscle associated with the exercise started to burn/tire. The burn is the best part, so feeling that in almost all parts of my body in 5 minutes was orgasmic- must be how paradise feels like (if there's one). P.S. Bench press and pull-ups are the best exercises.